


Sacred Institution, A

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-18
Updated: 2008-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 03:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna takes some drastic measures to get Josh out of his relationship with Amy... with a little help from CJ





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This is very out of character for them. But it popped into my head and it was a funny idea, so I went with it.  


* * *

CJ’S POV 

“We have to do something about this.” I say looking over at Donna. Amy and Josh are screaming at each other in his office. Donna looks unphased as she scrolls through something on her computer screen. “What did he do this time?” 

“Nothing.” she shrugs. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” she says again. “He usually doesn’t do anything. Well, I guess that’s not true. He doesn’t follow her every request on the campaign staffing or the president’s agenda. So, yeah, he doesn’t do anything and she gets pissed.” 

“I’m tired of her; it’s time for her to go.” 

“Oh, I agree.” Donna says quickly. I knew she would. Donna wears her heart on her sleeve. 

“So, we need a plan.” I say. 

“Whatcha got?” she asks pushing away from her desk and looking up at me. 

“Nothing. I don’t know if he’ll listen to me as a friend just saying that she’s a hateful woman.” 

“He might.” she shrugs. 

“But, he’ll listen to you.” I hedge. 

“That’s true.” she acknowledges and roots around in her purse. She finally resurfaces with her lip gloss and unscrews the cap. “But I can’t tell him that.” 

“Why not?” 

She pauses to apply her lip gloss before answering, “That’ll be crossing the line nobody wants us to cross.” 

“It’s for the greater good.” I nod. 

“And when something comes of it?” she counters. 

“What could come of it?” I ask innocently. Of course I know and she looks at me pointedly. “All right, you’re right!” I sigh dramatically. “Yes, it would be bad for you to have a flaming affair with your boss. I agree. Okay?” 

“See.” 

“Even though I know he wants to have a flaming affair with you, too.” 

“Well, who doesn’t?” she says with a shrug and I can’t help but laugh, partly because it’s true. It is a fact that men in this building find Donna hot. But with Josh around, no one asks her out. She starts putting files away in the cabinet and I lean against the door to her cubicle to ponder this dilemma. Amy is awful for Josh. And he’s obviously not happy with her anymore. He hasn’t been since the Welfare Bill when she tried to screw him. But Josh doesn’t like to be the one to break up with woman. This comes from the fact that Josh doesn’t date much. 

Amy slams the office door open and practically breaks it off its hinges, then storms out of the bullpen. Josh comes out and looks like he’s just been pummeled. He walks over to Donna with his puppy dog face, which she instantly melts for. “If you have an ounce of fondness for me in your body, you will not put her calls through anymore.” he pleads folding his hands. 

“Okay.”she nods, patting his shoulder. The last pat lasts a lot longer than it needed to. 

“Josh, just dump her.” I blurt. 

“I can’t.” he sighs. “I put her out of a job. I feel awful kicking her when she’s down, especially since I’m the one that put here there.” 

“You really are sweet.” I smile. “Too bad she’s too horrid to see it.” 

“Whatever.” he sighs rubbing a hand down his face and returning to his office where he gently closes his door. 

Donna looks thoughtfully at his closed door for a minute. “I could marry him.” she says suddenly. 

“What!?” I squeak. We all do it from time to time, none more than Josh though. Well... Sam’s a close second. 

“Josh.” she says closing the cabinet and walking back to me. “I can marry him then demand he stop seeing Amy. I mean, that’s adultery.” 

“How are you going to get him to marry you?” I say. Well, it’d be pretty easy actually. If she took her clothes off, I’m pretty sure she’d get him to sign over his townhouse to her. She’s already got a credit card he pays for. I have NO idea what she did to get that, nor do I want to know. 

“Well, it’s a well known fact at my desk that he never looks at anything he signs.” she shrugs. 

“What?” I ask. 

“I’ll just stick a marriage license application under his nose, point to where he has to sign, he’ll sign it, I’ll sign it and file it.” 

“Are you going to cover the title?” 

“No.” 

“What happens when he happens to look at it?” 

“He won’t.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I’ve worked for him for four years.” she reminds me bluntly. “He won’t. It will be a form. He’ll just assume it’s an insurance form and sign where I point.” 

“All right. Let’s say you get away with that,” I say. I mean, this is just ridiculous. “You need someone else to sign off that a ceremony has been performed. Who’s going to do that?” 

“Well, it’s also well known that Judge Mendoza doesn’t look at what he signs either.” 

“We put a Supreme Court Justice on the bench that doesn’t read anything?” I asked stunned. Toby would have a stroke. 

“Well, as far as his secretaries are concerned, he dictates what he wants, they type it and edit it and then he signs it. And he tells his law clerks how he’s going to rule and they do the research to support it. That’s everybody’s job. When you’re surrounded by a competent staff, you don’t have to read every little thing looking for typos. That’s why you surrounded yourself with those people. That’s why Josh keeps me around.” 

“Well, that and he’s totally in love with you.” I say with a casual handwave in her direction. This is the famous Donna logic coming through that Josh insists always gets him into trouble. And it’s heading towards getting him into BIG trouble. 

“Just out of curiosity, who do you know over at Judge Mendoza’s chambers?” I ask. 

“His secretary Sheila.” 

The phone rings and she picks it up and I wait. “Josh Lyman’s office. No, Amy, he’s not available now. No, he’s really not. No, he’s got a few meetings tonight. I imagine pretty late. No, I’m not going to reschedule the Speaker. Well, being nasty to me isn’t going to get me to clear his schedule tonight, you don’t have the authority to do that, and I’m not getting fired for you. Oh, you have a good night, too.” Donna hangs up the phone. “Bitch.” 

I take a deep breath and look at Donna’s face. She looks truly sad. They really do have strong feelings for each other and I think she’s truly pained by seeing someone treat him so poorly. 

“You really think you can pull that off?” I ask before I’m smart enough to stop myself. 

“Uh-huh.” she nods. “No sweat.” 

“And no one will forge anything?” 

She picks up a piece of paper and shoves it in my face. It’s got Josh’s signature on it. “Margaret couldn’t even copy that.” 

“Margaret’s pretty good, too.” I concur. “She’s got the President’s down.” 

“Everyone will sign their own name.” she assures. 

“What do you think Josh is going to do when he finds out he got married?” I ask. 

“I imagine have a meltdown at first.” she shrugs. “But then he’ll get over it. We’ll get it annulled...” she says and I nod. “...if we need to.” 

“I can spin a married boss/assistant, you know.” I say giving her my Cheshire Cat grin. 

“Oh, I know.” she smiles and nods. 

“All right. I’m in.” 

“Okay. I’ve got work to do.” 

TBC


	2. Sacred Institution, A

DONNA'S POV

CJ disappeared into Josh’s office a few minutes ago. I needed a distraction while I fill out the marriage license application on my computer and print it out for Josh to sign. It’s rather surreal filling out a marriage application for me and Josh. But at the same time, it also feels completely normal. I can’t imagine filling one out for me and anyone else. 

But here’s the thing, and this is what makes me a truly awful person... I in no way feel guilty for marrying Josh via subterfuge. I mean, this REALLY is for the greater good. When you have the White House Press Secretary on board for a mission like this, that just goes to show you it’s just something that needs to be done. Unless I get naked, Josh will not break up with Amy right now on his own. 

And I did think about that. I thought maybe I could just flash him my chest real fast one morning, give him instructions while he’s hypnotized and then just get back to going through his schedule with him, but I think I should get something out of it, right? I mean, if he gets to see my breasts, there should be something in it for me, since by the time it registers to him that he’s seen my breasts, my shirt will be back down and he wouldn’t have had the chance to, you know, DO anything to them. 

So, now I’m filling this out and CJ’s distracting him with God knows what. I couldn’t chance him coming out here until it’s completed. If it’s computer generated, he’ll think it’s one of his insurance forms. And he HATES dealing with his insurance forms. He also hates dealing with the endless paperwork I have to fill out when he gets reimbursed for travel expenses, too. 

He will totally sign this without looking at it. 

You guys out there are horrified right now, aren’t you? You can’t believe how easy it is for a woman to trap a man in marriage nowadays, can you? Well, I work for the U.S. government and we can make anything happen. Scary, I know. 

I definitely think Josh is going to have a meltdown when he finds out. However, I don’t think he’ll be mad when he realizes that he gets out of his relationship with Amy. I mean, I convinced him for me to be the co-signor on one of his credit cards so it’s easier for me to do stuff for him and book stuff for him and he doesn’t bat an eye when he gets the bill each month and there’s a balance, even though he hadn’t traveled anywhere that month. So I have a shoe buying habit, shoot me... 

I hit print and then dive for the printer. I mean, I can’t chance anyone else picking this up. That would be bad. Very bad. I mean, if I get caught too soon, I’m totally taking CJ up the river with me. I’ve found out that if you’re going to get busted for something around here, take a member of the senior staff down with you. That way, you’re just the innocent assistant and they should have known better. It works every time, I swear to God. Of course, I’m the only one brave enough to try that. Sooner or later Leo will probably see a pattern forming there. 

I take the paper out of the printer, drop a “sign here” sticker next to his signature and put it on a clipboard, then head into Josh’s office. 

 

“I need you to sign something.” I announced breezing into Josh’s office. CJ’s in there sitting in a visitor’s chair. 

“What is it?” he asks holding his hand out for the clipboard in my hand. CJ’s eyes widen and I sigh dramatically. 

“Do you care? It’s a form for --” 

“No!” he yelps. “I stopped listening at form.” 

“Right at the sign here sticker.” I direct passing the clipboard. The sticker’s bright pink and not hard to miss. He scribbles his name and hands it back to me. CJ looks like she’s about to choke. 

Who knew getting married was this easy? After this, I should consider getting a new car out of him, too, or at least another credit card. I mean, I’ve seen his taxes. I’m actually marrying well. 

I head back out to my desk and scrawl my name in the box next to his and pause a minute. The box underneath asks if I want to take my husband’s name. 

Should I do it? I mean, not only will I be making Josh married, but I’ll be changing my name, too. Don’t you think that’s awfully bold? I mean, not anymore bold than taking a husband by a covert action, but... 

Maybe I’ll just leave that box blank. Of course, by blank, I mean I check “yes.” 

I’m just about to fold up the application and put it in an envelope when my attention is drawn to the bottom of the page. 

Shit! It needs to be NOTARIZED? 

What the hell!? They can’t just accept that me and my happy fiancé both signed this form of our own free will? Where’s the trust in the world!? Who the hell am I going to get to notarize this? 

“Hey, Donna.” Sam greets popping over to my desk. 

“Hey, Sam.” I say. 

Oh, I wonder... 

“Hey, Sam. I thought I heard somewhere that lawyers can notarized stuff.” 

“Yup.” he smiles. “Whaddya need?” 

“Can you notarize this for me and Josh?” I ask quickly flashing the form down and back up before he has a chance to read the title. 

“You and Josh need something notarized?” he asks. Shit, Sam! Don’t actually pay attention here! What kind of shifty lawyer are you anyway? Well, actually, he’s not a shifty lawyer at all. 

“Yeah, it’s just a form for ....” 

“Of course, I’m not surprised he’s got you on some of his insurance stuff. It’s probably easier for him to just give you power of attorney to handle everything.” 

Well, okay then. 

He holds out his hand for a pen. I drop a pen in his hand, flash the clipboard down, point to where he has to sign and spring the clipboard back up before he can look too long at the form. He doesn’t bat an eye. 

“Thanks, Sam. You’re a lifesaver.” I grin in return holding the clipboard to my chest. 

“Anytime.” he smiles back. Well, there’s a scary thought, considering what he just signed. He strolls away and CJ comes bounding out of Josh’s office over to my desk. 

“That was amazing!” she exclaims in a harsh whisper. “I can’t believe that worked!” 

“Well, if you’re amazed by that, then this’ll knock your socks off.” I say and hold the form out for her to read. 

“What am I looking at?” 

“Towards the bottom.” 

“You’re going to change your name, too? You’ll give him a stroke.” 

“Keep going.” 

She gets to the bottom and her jaw drops. “How on Earth did you get Sam to notarize this?” 

“Same way Josh signed it.” I shrug. 

“I think I’m going to check to make sure we’re still, you know, members of the U.N. and stuff.” she says amazed and walks away, no doubt wondering now if I’ve ever asked her to sign anything. 

I don’t THINK I have... 

TBC


	3. Sacred Institution, A

DONNA'S POV

“Hey, John Hancock.” CJ says swinging through my cubicle door. “Where are we at? I just heard him fighting with Amy again on the phone.” 

“First of all, CJ, I didn’t actually SIGN any of this stuff. Everyone signed their own names.” I reply. “Secondly, I just got it back from Sheila.” I gingerly take my marriage certificate out of its envelope and show her Associate Justice Roberto Mendoza’s signature on the bottom. Her jaw drops. “All I have to do is file it with the city.” 

“Well, congratulations...Mrs. Lyman.” CJ says. 

“Thanks.” 

“Wow.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I mean...wow.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I feel like I should do something.” 

“Like what?” I ask. Josh’s door opens and I hastily slide the document back into it’s envelope. 

“Hey, CJ.” Josh says. He sounds tired. I think this Amy thing is really beating him down. That and the President keeps jumping up and down on his head about election stuff. My poor... husband. 

CJ’s giving Josh a strange look. Of course, it’s not strange to me because I know where it generated from, but Josh is getting freaked out. 

“What the hell is going on?” he asks. 

CJ shakes her head with a tear in her eye, reaches over and hugs him. He looks TOTALLY confused. 

“Um...CJ?” 

“I just...never thought I’d see the day.” she says putting her hand over her mouth. 

“What day?” he asks. 

Good one, CJ. 

“Oh,” she says waving her hand. “Donna was just saying that you looked tired and...she was going to bring you some coffee.” 

WHAT!!?? What the hell is that? 

Josh looks over at me with raised eyebrows. “This is true?” 

“Apparently.” I say. 

“Do I look like I’m, like, a breath away from death’s door?” he snarks. “I’m pretty sure I haven’t done anything lately that I can get fired for.” 

I’m pretty sure you have there, honey. 

And that’s when it hits me. 

Josh could get fired for this. I didn’t even think of this! I never considered what something like this could actually do to his career! I only thought of getting him away from Amy. He’s just so miserable with her! But this...this could ruin him in politics. Marrying his assistant? And he can’t even use the excuse that he didn’t know because then he’d look negligent. 

Oh my God! What have I done? 

I think I’m going to hyperventilate. He’s now looking at me and giving me his very concerned face. 

“Donna?” he asks taking a step towards me. CJ must have just seen that whole thing play out in my head because she snatches the marriage certificate in its envelope out of my hand and takes off to her office, slamming the door once safely inside. 

Shit! I was going to burn that! 

“Donna, are you all right?” Josh asks. “You’re scaring the shit out of me.” 

That’s nothing compared to how you’re going to feel...um...dear. 

“Air.” I say sucking in a breath. “I need air.” And maybe some sunglasses, a wig, and rental car to get the hell out of Dodge. 

But he grabs me by the elbow and leads me through the bullpen doors, across the lobby and out the door. He pulls me through the bushes and over to a little grassy...well, knoll...next to the building. I drop to my knees still sucking in gulps of air. 

“What the hell’s going on?” he demands. “Do you need me to take you to the hospital?” I shake my head no while I’m continuing to get my breathing under control. 

“Are you sure?” 

I nod my head yes. 

“What the hell is wrong?” 

Oh, Josh, I’ve done a horrible thing. I look up at him into his beautiful, soft brown eyes. Eyes that look on me with absolute trust. 

And I cave. 

I’m about to spill my guts when his cell phone rings. He makes no move to answer it. 

“Get it.” I nod. 

“No freaking way. I’m worried about you. I’m not taking a call.” 

“Just get it.” I sigh. “It’ll give me time to compose myself over here.” And figure out how to tell you that we’re married and, yes, you missed it. 

He flips open is phone without checking the caller i.d. I blame that lack of concentration entirely on myself. 

“Hello. Hi, Amy.” he sighs. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. “No. I haven’t looked at that yet.” he slowly sits in the grass and leans up against the building. I sit next to him. I should make my escape now, but I can’t. He’s my friend and my husband, and he’s going through a rough time now. I need to be there for him and be supportive. It’s what good wives do. 

“Well, I’ve been a little busy.” He continues. “Quite frankly, it’s not on the top of my list. Besides, I told you, send it through the channels. This is an issue for the First Lady anyway. Yes, I realize you have a lot of time on your hands now...” 

That bitch! How dare she pull that shit on him! How dare she continue to use her own bad political judgment against him! Suddenly, I don’t feel bad anymore. I feel like a tigress protecting her territory. A sentry ready to club the shit out of someone. Too over the top? I thought so, too. 

“Josh, the President needs you in Oval.” I say just loud enough to make it sound like I’m not sitting right next to him, but for her to hear it. 

“Gotta go.” Josh immediately says in response and snaps the phone shut and turns to me and smiles. “You’re brilliant.” 

“Thanks.” I smile back. He stands up and offers his hand down to me. 

“Now, if you can only figure out a way for me to get out of that relationship...” 

I consider laying it on him now, but I should probably wait for the official marriage certificate to come back. Even though, once Judge Mendoza signed it we WERE officially married, he really will probably need to see something with a raised seal for actual confirmation. 

I take his hand and let him pull me up. 

“You look better.” he says softly. 

“I think it just got a little hot in there.” I say. That’s not entirely untrue either. 

“Donna,” he says. It’s almost a whisper. “What’s wrong? You can’t tell me?” 

“It’s all right.” I nod. “I’m all right.” 

He turns and throws his arm around me, rubbing my back in comfort as we move back through the bushes and into the lobby where his hand falls away. 

He’s going to make a great husband. 

TBC


	4. Sacred Institution, A

CJ’S POV 

I drop the envelope with the signed marriage certificate in it into the mailbox and let out a long breath. It’s now time for me to start figuring out how to spin Josh and Donna’s marriage. It’s going to take some brilliance on my part, but hell, if Donna’s brilliant enough to even come up with this scheme and have made it work, I MUST rise to the challenge and come through. I mean, Amy’s just a bitch. Josh can annoy the shit out of me, but he doesn’t deserve Amy for it. 

“CJ?” 

I startle a bit and turn around to see the newlywed now. 

“Josh!” 

“What are you doing out here?” he asks. I see he’s got his backpack on his shoulder. He must be just getting back from the Hill. 

“Mailing something.” I say gesturing to the mailbox. 

“Don’t we have a mail department?” He asks squinting at the building. “You had to come all the way out here?” 

“It’s personal.” I say quickly. 

“I’m actually glad I ran into you out here.” he says and we begin to walk down the street, in the opposite direction of the White House. 

“What’s up?” 

“I’m worried about Donna.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, you saw what happened in the bullpen this morning.” he says. 

“Oh that.” I say. That’s nothing. She just started to freak out because she married you in a scheme that’s going to make the CIA proud. Congratulations! I’m thinking of getting you monogrammed towels. 

“Yes, that.” he says. “That was really weird. Something’s up and she won’t tell me what and that’s not like her.” 

“Maybe she doesn’t want to bother you.” I shrug. 

“That’s never stopped her before.” 

“Well, things are a little different now.” 

“What? How?” 

Well, different in that she’s never had to tell you that you were married before...to her. 

“Different in that you’re seeing Amy right now.” 

“So?” 

“So, I guess maybe she thinks that certain things are off limits right now.” 

“Nothing’s off limits. Ever.” he says adamantly. He’s so sweet when it comes to her. He’s going to make a great husband. 

“Well, she probably doesn’t see it that way.” I reply. 

“I don’t get it.” 

“Josh, you have a girlfriend.” And a wife. You’ve got NO idea the extent of your woman problems right now, mi amore. “You can’t have the friendly type of relationship with Donna right now that you used to because Amy won’t understand that and Donna probably doesn’t want to cause problems for you. She probably wants to keep it all professional.” 

Wow! I’m getting good at this lying stuff! Wait until I tell Donna. 

“Okay. Well, that’s unacceptable to me.” he says. He pulls out his phone and dials. For one horrific second, I’m thinking he’s calling Donna and there’s going to be a confrontation. 

But it’s worse. 

It’s much worse. 

“Listen Amy, I hate to do this over the phone, but I have to do this right now. I don’t want to see you anymore. You’re not happy, I’m not happy, and I’m tired for being blamed for your lot in life. I’m sorry you tried to go up against the White House and it backfired and now you can’t get past that in our relationship, even though I’m reasonably certain if the outcome of that were reversed, you’d expect me to. But I just can’t do this anymore. So, congratulations. You’re the first woman I’m going to be an adult with and end it on my own.” 

Oh my God! He just ended it with Amy over the phone! I mean. Yippee! and all, but that’s all it took? And Donna went and got him married? Well, married him? 

So, he ended his relationship with Amy and now he’s married. 

THIS is bad. This is very bad. Donna’s going to have a cow. I turn and run down the street. Confused, Josh chases after me calling my name. I dive on the mailbox and open the lid, trying in vain to see if I can see the envelope. I’ve got to get it out of there and tear it up. He just broke up with Amy. We don’t need to do this anymore. I don’t see it, so I start to try to shake the mailbox, which of course doesn’t work because the thing is bolted to the ground. 

I’m getting desperate. 

“CJ?” 

I don’t have time for you, Josh! I have to get you unmarried! Fast! 

I flip open my phone and dial frantically. “Carol! I need you to call me back with the number of the Post Master General. I need to get the mailbox open out front right now! Yes! Of course I’m serious!” I snap my phone shut and start pacing in front of the mailbox. 

“CJ, what the hell is going on?” 

“Um... I think I put the check for my phone bill in the envelope for my Visa bill.” 

“So call Visa and ask them to send you the check back when they get it.” 

“It’ll screw up my credit. That’ll make the payment late.” 

“Give them your checking account number over the phone. They’ll take it out electronically and void the check.” 

Damn him! Why is he making sense!? Josh NEVER makes sense! And how does he even know that stuff is possible? It’s not like he ever does anything for himself anyway. No, he makes Donna do everything for him. Typical husband, just go about your life in an oblivion and leave your poor wife to clean up the mess! 

What the hell am I TALKING about? 

I lean up on the mailbox and prop my chin on my elbow. 

“I give up.” I sigh. I mean, I’m SO going to get fired with Donna. She plays the game too well. She knows if you’re going to get busted in that building, you take one of us with you. Somehow, she’ll be innocent and I’ll be the one that should have known better. 

“It’s really no big deal.” Josh says. 

“You say that now.” 

“What is going on with you two!?” He shouts. “You know, don’t you? You know what’s wrong with Donna.” 

“Nothing’s wrong with Donna, Josh.” I say turning back towards the White House gate. 

“Bull shit.” he says. “Something’s wrong. I want to know what it is.” 

“She’ll tell you.” 

“When?” 

I turn and look back to the mailbox and purse my lips. “Probably two to three weeks.” 

“Two to three weeks!” he squeaks. 

“Might not be that long.” I shrug and keep walking, but he grabs my elbow and pulls me out of the flow of pedestrian traffic. 

“Tell me, CJ.” he says softly. “I’m begging you now. I’m scared out of my mind for her. Is she pregnant?” 

I can’t even process that question. I just burst out laughing. I didn’t think Josh could look any more confused, but he does. 

“No.” I laugh. I’m laughing so hard my eyes are tearing. 

“Thank God.” He says with his hand to his chest and he sags against a tree. Well, this is an interesting reaction. 

“What if she was though?” I ask taking a step towards him. 

“She’s not seeing anyone.” 

“So?” 

“Don’t do that to me, CJ.” He says pushing himself off the tree. “Don’t make me think about things like that. If she’s going to have a baby, she deserves to have one with someone she loves and someone that loves her AND she deserves to have one with a guy that’s going to stick around and that she’s married to.” 

I smile at him. They’re going to be just fine. 

TBC


	5. Sacred Institution, A

DONNA’S POV 

Today’s the day I tell Josh. I have to now. I have the marriage certificate back with a raised seal. I can’t put this off any longer. I’m not sure I could get a covert divorce. I think you have to actually physically appear in court for that. 

So, I’m going to spill my guts. I’m going to have to tell him the truth, the whole truth. If I tell him my reasons behind it, it might not be so bad. 

Who am I kidding? It’s going to be awful. This is going to send the man into the stratosphere. I mean, he’s going to achieve orbit with this one. Too over the top? I thought so. 

But I have a plan. Oh, yes. I have a plan. First, I’m going to get him out of the White House. CJ thought that I should have witnesses, but I think we need to be where noone can hear us. He’s going to get VERY loud. I don’t want anyone to hear him scream the words that we’re married. I mean, I’d like for him to shout it from the rooftops, but you get my meaning, right? 

So, I have a plan. I’m going to take him back to his place. That way, when he gets ridiculously drunk, he’ll be able to pass out in his own bed and not have to drive anywhere later or tomorrow morning. I thought about taking him out to a far off motel or something, but then I thought he might end up dumping my body out there. 

So, as of 7 p.m., his schedule is cleared. We have plans to go to the Hawk and Dove, but I’m just going to change them and drive to his place once I get him in the car. 

Josh has been up my ass for the last two weeks. CJ told me how he thought I was pregnant and then got all pissed off at her. I’ll admit, at first I was annoyed that he’d think I was that much of hussy and an irresponsible one, to boot. I mean, he knows I’m not seeing anyone. I think the Cliff thing really kind of left him scarred. But then she told me what he said and...well, he’s such a good husband. 

“Donna!” he calls coming out of his office. “Let’s get the hell out of here.” 

“Now, you’re talking!” I clap my hands and power down my computer, grab my tote bag, and I’m standing in front of him in record time. Why I’m so eager to play the lamb to the slaughter, don’t ask me. 

“We haven’t been to the Hawk and Dove together in ages.” He says to me as I fall into step with him. 

“Actually, Josh,” I say. “would you mind if we just went back to your place and hung out? I’m not really up for a crowd.” I’ll try this tactic first. 

“Really?” he says with a slight whine, so I give him a slight pout in return. 

“Yeah, I’m just...not up for that.” 

“Are you sure you’re all right?” he asks again. I think he’s still skeptical on whether or not the rabbit died. 

“I’ll tell you what,” I say looping my arm through his and continuing our walk to the parking lot. “We go back to your place and hang out, and I’ll tell you everything that’s been going on.” 

“You will?” 

“Yup. It’s time to tell you.” 

“Am I going to like it?” he asks reaching my car. Well, that’s a loaded question. 

“I don’t know.” I say. 

“Am I going to yell?” Does he know me or what? 

“Oh, definitely.” I assure. 

“You’re not quitting are you?” He asks quickly turning to me in the seats. 

“No, Josh.” I smile. “I’m not quitting.” But I am married... 

“Thank God.” he says letting a breath go and falling back against the seat. This husband of mine can really bring the drama sometimes. Wait to you see the performance that’s about to begin. “Because I really don’t think I can handle you quitting on me, Donna, especially now during re-election.” 

“Oh, I know. Who’d get you out of Indiana?” 

“That’s not fair! You screwed up, too.” 

“When?” I demand stopping at the gate. 

“You had to have. That couldn’t have all been Toby and I.” I look pointedly at him. “It was; wasn’t it?” I nod and pull out onto Pennsylvania Avenue. The sun’s just starting to set, and I’d think that it were pretty, were I not about to meet my execution. Of course, if this were my last sunset, I should probably stop to enjoy it; don’t you think? 

The ride to his place is quiet and he spends it going through his voice mails on his cell phone. When we get to his place, I take a deep breath before getting out of the car and following him up. 

“Dinner?” he asks. 

“Chinese?” 

“Beef and Broccoli?” 

“And California Roll.” 

“I’ll order; you get the beer.” 

It’s also been ages since Josh and I hung out at his place, since well before he started dating Amy. I take a quick visual scan to see if Miss Gulch left anything behind or made any changes that I have to change back. Everything looks okay. Of course, I haven’t been in THERE yet... 

I pull open the fridge. Nothing looks amiss in here either, though Josh has, like, a case of beer in here, and that’s not really normal. 

I walk back into the living room as he hangs up the phone, drop down on the couch next to him, and hand him his beer. We both take long sips. Then, I start to chug and he raises his eyebrows at me. I need this courage. 

Okay. Here we go. 

“Okay. Here’s the thing. We’re married.” I blurt. 

“Okay.” he says. 

What? 

“Okay?” 

“I thought it was the beginning of a joke, right?” 

Oh shit. 

“Um...no.” 

“What?” 

“It’s not the beginning of a joke.” 

“What he hell are you talking about?” 

“You and me.” I say waving my hand between us. “We’re married.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Seriously, can you blame him? I mean, in what life is this fathomable, really. I stand up, cross to my tote bag, pull out the envelope with the marriage certificate and the official seal and sit back down next to him. 

“What’s in there?” he asks. He moves over on the couch a bit, like the envelope is going to bite him. 

I slide the marriage certificate out and show it to him. 

“Where did you get that?” 

“City of Washington, District of Columbia. It’s got the raised seal and everything.” 

“I don’t understand.” he says quickly. 

“Okay. CJ and I decided that something had to be done about you and Amy. You were miserable and I know you felt trapped in the relationship with her, and I knew you’d never break up with her on your own. So, after bouncing a couple of ideas off each other on what we could do to help you out, I came up with marrying you and then telling you weren’t allowed to date.” 

“How?” He squeaks. 

“Oh, well, it was really easy. I filled out the application, you signed, I signed it, Sam notarized, I sent it into the city, they sent it back, I sent it over to Justice Mendoza and --” 

“JUSTICE MENDOZA SIGNED THIS?” 

“Yes. So when that came back, well, I was going to mail it, but then all the sudden I felt guilty about what I had done --” 

“I would certainly hope so, Donna.” 

“-- because I was afraid that you were going to get fired, but then Amy was treating you like shit again, so CJ took it from me and mailed it in.” 

To say he looks stunned, doesn’t quite cover it. 

“CJ knows about this?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m married.” 

“Yes.” 

“To you.” 

“Yes, dear.” 

“All to get me out of a relationship with Amy.” 

“Yes.” 

“That I ended on my own.” 

“That was unexpected.” 

“I signed this?” 

“And Sam.” 

“And Judge Mendoza.” 

“All to get me out of a relationship with Amy.” Okay. We’re repeating ourselves here. This is the meltdown beginning. 

“Yes.” 

“And into a marriage with you?” 

“Well, obviously, I would think we can annul it. It’s just so you’d have the official paperwork to show Amy.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” 

“I’ll alert Ripley’s.” 

“How did I sign this?” 

“You don’t look at what you sign.” I shrug. “Turns out neither does Sam or Justice Mendoza.” 

“A Supreme Court Judge.” 

“Not nearly as scary as the Deputy Chief of Staff.” 

“No.” 

He stares down transfixed at the document for a few minutes. 

“First, you make yourself my assistant; then you make yourself my WIFE?” 

“Yes.” 

“What planet are you from?” 

“Josh!” 

“Are you secretly a republican? Wait a minute! Did you make ME a republican? What HAVE I signed lately?” 

“There is an upside, you know!” 

“Oh really!? And what’s that?” 

God help me, I grab him and kiss him. 

TBC


	6. Sacred Institution, A

JOSH’S POV 

Well, this is one hell of an upside. 

Donna is currently attached to my face. This is like...insane. She’s kissing me, and I’m kissing her back, and apparently, at least for the time being...this woman is my...wife. 

I’m still more than a little blown away by that. I mean, I always knew Donna was clever. I’m just trying to figure out how I feel about her taking such drastic action to get me out of a relationship I didn’t want to be in any more. 

I’ll ponder that while she kisses my neck, or....ooohh....sticks her tongue in my ear. 

I’ll tell you want I do like...oh...oh that’s nice... 

I’m sorry. Was I saying something? 

Oh yeah! I like this upside. This upside is nice. 

Oh wait, Donna’s moving to my lap now. 

Oh no, she’s not. She gives me a little shove and she’s laying on top of me on the couch. I’ve married a minx! 

“Hey, Donna?” I say before I devour her collarbone. 

“Yes.” 

“A thought has occurred to me.” 

I kiss along her jawline until I get to her delicious looking earlobe. She hisses as I suck on it. 

“What’s your thought?” she pants. She’s panting. I’m making Donna pant. I wonder what else I can make her do? 

“Josh?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Your thought?” 

“What thought?” 

“You had a thought?” 

“I did?” 

She smiles at me. I don’t think a woman has ever reduced my brain to Jello before. That was some impressive work on her part. 

“Yes.” 

What was I... 

“Oh yeah! We could either get that annulment,” I begin and now she looks sad. She’s actually pouting. Hold on a sec, I have to kiss that lower lip of hers. I’ve been dying to do that for four years now. Oh my God, it made her moan. I’m like a deer caught in headlights for a moment. What was I talking about? 

Oh yeah! 

“Or we could do something that would make an annulment impossible.” I’m just going to throw that out there. 

She pauses and looks at me. Um...I think she’s about to eat me for dinner. 

I’m okay with that. 

She unbuttons my shirt, pulls it out of my pants and slides it off my shoulders. 

God that was hot! 

“I say we go for option B.” She uses a voice that is so husky and so sexy that I am rendered speechless. Suddenly, I’m thinking about what having sex with Donnatella Moss could actually be like. 

I need to get some cognitive function back or I might start drooling. 

“Josh?” 

“Yes, option B.” 

She giggles a bit and pulls my t-shirt over my head. Her fingers lightly fall on the scar on my chest. I look down and I get the most amazing feeling of intimacy at the vision of her hand on my bare skin. I look up and she’s looking at me. She smiles lightly, and then kisses me again. 

She sits up and tugs me with her. She wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. Hmm...I get the feeling we’re not doing it on the couch. That’s okay. I got a king size bed. Don’t ask me what me, a single guy, is doing with a king size bed. 

She falls to the bed in quite the unladylike way. I’m about to move to her, but she pulls her shirt over her head and all I can see are breasts. My breath is coming in rapid gasps. Oh dear Lord, there are Donna’s breasts. 

“Josh?” she says. She’s using that voice again. Dear God she’s using that voice again! And her breasts! She’s got really nice breasts. 

“You seem a little mesmerized, Josh.” 

“Yes.” Brilliant reply, Watson! 

“They’re breasts.” 

“Yes.” I squeak. 

“Josh.” she says again with quite a sexy grin. She links her fingers with mine and pulls me on top of her. “You have done this before, right?” 

“I’m not sure now.” I whisper and her grin slides off her face. 

“Don’t make me cry.” she says quickly. 

“Don’t most brides cry on their wedding night?” 

“Our wedding night was a week and a half ago.” 

“Oh.” 

It should be noted, this conversation is taking place while we shed our clothes. 

“What did I do a week and a half ago?” 

“Bruno and Toby in the Roosevelt Room until one a.m.” 

“Oh, well that’s not sexy. What did you do on our wedding night?” 

“Got stuck waiting at my desk for you to finish.” 

“Definitely not romantic.” 

“No.” 

“Donna?” 

“Yes, Josh?” 

“In the interest of full disclosure?” 

“Yes, Josh.” 

“I’ve never made love to a married woman before.” 

She gives me her slow, lazy smile. The one that made me put a credit card in her name. 

“Donnatella Moss.” I whisper, sliding my hand down her naked side. I need to convince myself that she’s actually naked in my bed. 

“Josh?” 

“Mmm?” 

“In the interest of full disclosure?” 

“Yeah.” 

“My name isn’t Donnatella Moss.” 

What the? 

“Who ARE you?” Is she trying to kill me? I mean, this is the woman who went to work one day and ended up being Canadian. 

“My name is Donnatella Lyman.” 

Oh. 

“You changed your name!?” 

“Well, I figured if I was going for it, I might as well do it up, right?’ 

“I guess.” 

“Joshua?” 

“Yes?” 

“I’ve never made love to a married man either.” 

“I think I can rectify that.” 

TBC


	7. Sacred Institution, A

JOSH’S POV 

“So, CJ knows about this?” 

“Mmm-hmm.” she says diving into the cold chicken lo mein. 

Let me take a moment to convey how hot Donna is right now. She’s wearing the shirt I wore to work today. The first three buttons are undone. Her hair is pulled up in an, I don’t know what, but it’s just-got-laid-hair, and there’s nothing under that shirt. Well, nothing but miles of delicious alabaster skin. I’m shirtless with pajama pants on. I had to put something on to answer the door when the food came. I never stayed naked in bed with Amy. I always got dressed after sex. I wasn’t comfortable having my shirt off around her. I think it’s because I’m not really comfortable with these scars myself yet. It was only a year ago, and they spent a LONG time looking really angry. They still don’t blend in with the rest of me. 

But tonight...tonight I’m totally at home in my skin. Donna saw them while they still had stitches. She saw them, like, with puss coming out of them and other icky things. Hell, she saw me with my chest laying open. She’d kick my ass if I got totally dressed. 

Or, you know, buy a house in my name...perhaps adopt a child... 

“So, she signed off on this then?” 

“Well, she helped.” 

“I’m stunned.” 

“She was concerned about the potential for forgery though. But, like I said, everyone signed their own names.” 

I nod and look back down into my take out container, fishing around for more beef. They put a lot of broccoli in here. 

“Josh?” 

“Yeah?” 

I look up and she looks really unsure. She puts the lo mein down and folds her hands in her lap before looking up at me again. 

“It was never my intent to trap you into anything.” 

“I don’t feel trapped.” I say smiling softly. 

“No?” 

“I feel humbled.” 

“You do?” she smiles. I love this particular smile. It’s the smile she gives me when I tell her I’m proud of her. 

I nod. “I can’t believe you’d go to those lengths just to get me out of my relationship with Amy.” 

“Well, I had to do something.” 

“The funny thing is, Donna,” I continue. “For weeks, I couldn’t bring myself to end it. I couldn’t bring myself to take away her job and her boyfriend at the same time. But the second CJ tells me that dating Amy was sacrificing my friendship with you, I called her up and ended it.” 

“And then you thought I was a pregnant hussy.” 

Well, the moment’s broken then. 

“You were acting really weird! How the hell was I supposed to know it was because you secretly married me! Look at it from my angle!” 

“You couldn’t think I was, I don’t know, stealing office supplies?” 

“What the hell would you want that my Visa doesn’t pay for?’ 

Ah ha! She knows I noticed a rolling balance. I knew it! 

“Don’t be snarky. I could take half of what you got!” 

“Or you can have all of what I got.” I shoot back and she’s stunned into silence. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I said that, too. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Well, I’m talking about, you know, seeing where the married thing goes.” 

“Um...it goes to us being married, Joshua.” 

“Yeah.” 

“The longer it goes, the messier it is to end when you’ve realized you bumped into me sideways.” 

“I did not bump into you sideways; you slammed into me head on, my dear.” 

“I’m just saying.” 

“And I’m just saying that I think it’s worth exploring.” I counter. “I’m not exactly unattracted to you, Donnatella. AND I’m closer to you than any other woman that’s ever been in my life.” 

“Josh, you need to understand something. I never intended to stay married to you. I was just trying to help you. You could get fired for this. If you stay married to me, it could cause a scandal.” 

“Well, it would have to be handled right. We would have to release it and control the story. You said CJ’s on board. She’s probably already got a plan.” 

“And when you get ensorcelled again?” 

“Never again.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I won’t settle for second best.” I whisper. 

She slams the lo mein down and flies across the kitchen towards me. I drop my container and catch her midflight. What little clothing we had on is off, and we’re up against the kitchen counter. I had a feeling it would be intense like this with her. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be able to get enough of each other. 

Oh, and other things I can make Donna do? Scream. Loudly. Donna’s a screamer; it rocks. 

“What do you say?” I ask as we’re trying to get our breathing under control. “You want to stay Mrs. Lyman for a while?” 

She bites her bottom lip, smiles, and nods her head. 

TBC


	8. Sacred Institution, A

CJ’S POV 

“Good morning, Claudia Jean!” Josh sings to me from this office. I walk over to our connecting door and peer in. What the hell? Wasn’t yesterday the day Donna told him? 

“Morning, Josh.” I say cautiously. “How was your evening?” 

“Come here.” he says quickly. I walk over to his desk. He takes me by the shoulders, turns me around to face the bullpen and then shifts me to a specific spot. From here, I can see right out to Donna. 

Wouldn’t you just know that Josh knows the exact spot in his office that gives him direct line of sight to Donna’s desk? 

“Look at her.” he says softly, as I watch Donna move about her cubicle in her morning ritual. “Isn’t there, like, some sort of soft light surrounding her?” 

“Oh, dear Lord, you two had sex!” 

“Well...yeah. A few times.” 

“I should have known!” I groan dramatically. I blame myself. I should have stopped the insanity, but once the plan was in motion, it was like a runaway train and, well, quite frankly, it was more fun to be on board. “Aren’t you mad?” 

“Mad? No. I don’t think I was actually mad. I will admit to a certain amount of befuddlement though.” 

“Befuddlement.” 

“Well, CJ, it’s like this. Who on the planet DOES that for someone? I mean, she was so intent on protecting me and getting me out of a relationship I didn’t want to be in, that she married me, apparently WITH my notarized consent, and I didn’t even know about it.” 

“So, it was good sex.” 

“Oh yeah.” he smirks. 

Gag me. 

“Besides, I don’t want to know what would happen if I were on her bad side.” 

“Divorce.” 

“Well, I’d like to see the little con girl out there pull that one off. You have to actually BE there for that.” 

“I don’t doubt her powers.” 

“Yeah, neither do I actually.” 

Donna breezes in with Josh’s schedule, and as soon as she’s across the threshold, I push the door shut behind her. “Ah, here’s the little woman now.” Josh smiles. I think he’s now having too much fun with this. 

“You are not overlord, Joshua.” 

“Well, I’m the husband AND the boss.” 

“There was no ‘obey’ in the vows.” 

“Did I have vows?” 

“No.” 

“Ah. Clever.” 

“Yes.” 

“So, we’re doing this then?” I ask waving my hand between them. 

“We?” Donna asks. “Are we moving to Utah?” 

“I could support that.” Josh pipes up. 

“Oh, really? You think you can handle MORE than just me?” Donna asks. 

“God no!” Josh says with a half laugh. 

“You said you could spin this, CJ.” Donna says turning back to me. 

“I can.” 

“I’m not spinable.” Josh insists. 

Donna looks over at Josh, raises her eyebrows a couple of times and smirks. “You really are.” If I didn’t know better, I think I just heard him sigh. And it was, like, a sigh with a goofy grin, too, not a frustrated one. 

“Well, we have to be the ones to leak it.” Josh says to me. Duh. “Donna, go get me the thing. I’ll put it in my safe. I don’t want it out there for, like, Margaret to find it.” 

“Fine. Congressman Zimmer is in the Roosevelt room already.” she says. 

“Where’s that file?” 

“Right in front of you, Joshua.” 

“Ah ha.” he says, then looks over at me. “It’s hard to keep up this morning.” 

“And you’re going to go talk to Zimmer now?” 

“Yeah. Hope he doesn’t say anything important.” 

Donna breezes back in with an envelope I know well now and hands it to him, then turns and walks out. He takes a moment to watch her. I wonder if he was always this obvious? He picks up a file on his desk, tells me he’ll catch up to me later, and breezes out of his office. 

 

JOSH’S POV 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 

I can’t find it. I can’t find the marriage license anywhere. Donna gave it to me this morning, right? I thought she did. Crap. I’m going to have to tell her I lost it. Doesn’t matter, I’m frantic. 

“DONNA!” 

“Keep your pants on, Joshua!” 

“I CAN’T FIND THE THING!” 

CJ and Donna dive through separate doors. Wow. Talk about service. 

“What do you mean, you can’t find it?” CJ asks. 

“I can’t find it.” I confess as I continue to root through my desk, and CJ tackles the credenza. 

“Being married to you, Joshua, was a lot easier when you didn’t know about it.” Donna says. Well, that wasn’t fair. What? Okay, she’s right. I’ve known about this marriage for less than 24 hours, and I’ve already dropped the ball. “I gave it to you this morning. I handed it to you.” 

“Yes, I remember.” 

“You were supposed to put it in your safe.” 

“It’s not in there.” 

“Did you open it and check it?” 

“No. I stared at it and cried because my x-ray vision was failing me today.” 

“Don’t be snarky to me. YOU lost it.” 

“Hey, this is our first fight.” I grin. 

She grins back. “Won’t be the last.” 

Oh. 

“Oh shit.” CJ says straightening up. 

“What?” Donna and I ask, with equal tones of dread. 

“She gave it to you, and you went to your meeting with Zimmer.” 

I instantly destroy the folder I took into the meeting with me. It’s not in there, and now Donna is giving me the death glare, probably because it’s going to take her hours to put it back together again. 

“It’s not here.” 

“You took everything with you out of the Roosevelt Room?” Donna asks. 

“Yes.” I nod. “The table was clear when I left.” 

“Zimmer’s got it then.” she shrugs. “At least he’s a democrat.” 

“Who’s totally pissed at me because I didn’t roll over for him.” I finish. 

“It’s not in a White House envelope either.” CJ sighs. “How are we going to get it back without him looking at it?” 

Donna picks up the phone and dials a number. “Hey, Paula. The Congressman just left. Is he coming back there? Where’s he having lunch? I don’t know that place, where is it? Okay. Thanks.” She hangs up the phone and looks over at me. “What’s the K Street Lounge?” 

“Um...it’s kind of a like a...gentlemen’s club.” 

“It’s a strip joint!?” CJ shrieks. 

“NO! There are absolutely no strippers of any kind.” I assure. 

“So, it’s like a Hooters.” Donna says. 

“No. It’s upscale.” 

“A gentlemen’s club.” CJ says. 

“You know in old movies with, like, the Rat Pack, there’s always like a Kit Kat Lounge and stuff. Girl walking around selling cigars on a tray. It’s like that. A lot of wheeling and dealing goes on there.” I explain. It’s nice to be in the know sometimes. 

“So, you’re a member.” Donna says dryly. Okay, so maybe it’s not nice to be in the know at this particular time. 

“Um...yeah.” 

“I see.” 

“So go get it.” CJ says to me. 

“What? Excuse me, Congressman, open your briefcase.” I ask. 

“You accidentally picked something up that’s security sensitive.” CJ finishes. 

“CJ, security sensitive stuff doesn’t come into my office, it stays in Leo’s.” Oh, look at that. CJ and Donna actually look impressed. Yes, Ladies. I actually do have an important job and I actually DO stuff. 

“So, how are we going to get it?” Donna asks. 

“Someone’s going to have to go under cover.” CJ says, as she and I look pointedly at Donna. 

TBC


	9. Sacred Institution, A

JOSH’S POV 

“I look like the freaking St. Paulie’s girl.” Donna bitches peeking around the corner into the main room of the lounge. 

“You look totally hot.” 

“This is why you come here? To look at these hos?” 

“They’re not hos. I told you; it’s not that kind of place.” 

“Then why are they dressed like East German Cocktail Waitresses?” 

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I don’t particularly care.” 

“No, of course not, because my breasts are falling out of my bodice, a BODICE, Joshua, and this skirt shows half my ass.” 

“It’s a nice ass.” 

“Every man in that room is going to see it.” 

“Yeah. I’m not too fond of that down side.” 

“What if they recognize me?” 

“You’ve got a brown wig on.” 

“They could still recognize my face.” she shoots back. “That room is filled with people we know.” 

“They’re not going to be expecting to see you in there. It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon.” 

“But, they’ll see you there. So when they see you, they’ll think, Josh, oh hey, that hussy over there looks like Donna.” 

Where does she get this stuff from? 

“And then they’ll just think that you look like you.” Listen to me. Now I’m sounding like her. 

“I still think CJ should have done this.” she huffs. “I was going to burn the thing. She put it in the mailbox.” 

“I’m glad she did.” I whisper, and since I’ve currently got her up against a wall, I take this moment to kiss her. 

“Hi Josh.” someone says and continues by. Donna pulls away. 

“Why did they not sound surprised to see you in a dark corner of a gentlemen’s club kissing a hussy?” she demands. 

“I have no idea.” 

“Are there back rooms?” she demands. 

“I think so. I’ve never seen them.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really. How could you think that I’m like that?” That one really hurt. 

“That guy did.” 

“Well, I don’t care what he thinks. I care what you think.” 

“Well, Josh, you never told me this place existed and look at the women here, and now that guy didn’t sound at all surprised to see you had a hussy pinned up against the wall. How else could that look?” 

“You’re not a hussy.” 

“He doesn’t know that.” 

“You want me to go over to him and say, hey, I’m married to that hussy?” She looks like she’s considering it. 

“How is it that the boss of this place hasn’t come over to yell at me yet for fratenizing too long with a customer?” I shrug in return. She draws her own conclusions. “I can’t believe you come here, you sickie.” 

“I told you, I’ve never seen the back rooms of this place.” I insist. 

Seriously, I haven’t. For reasons passing my understanding, Donna finds me charming. However, I’ve never been that guy that can do that. I’ve never been a one night stand guy, or a go to a hooker guy. And this may surprise you, but I was always a little nerdy in school. This is what I wanted to do. So I worked real hard to get here. It wasn’t until I was an adult and a rising star in Washington that women wanted to date me and pursued me. Amy was the first one that I actually aggressively pursued. And I learned my lesson. With the next woman, I’ll... 

Oh, wait. I’m married now. I had a wife just hop into my lap last night. That was really easy. 

“Josh?” my wife asks. “Where’d you go there?” 

I lean forward and put a soft kiss on the dip of her collarbone and she sucks a breath in. 

“Let’s go do this and then take the rest of the day off.” I whisper. 

“Okay!” she readily agrees and quickly turns the corner into the lounge. 

I saunter into the room. It shouldn’t take long for... 

“Josh!” I look over. Senator Kilmore. I stroll across the room, keeping one eye on Donna. She’s found Zimmer. I don’t know who he’s with. 

Donna glides over, the Congressman’s back is to her. She knocks a couple of cigars off her tray and slowly lowers herself to the ground to pick them up. She slides the envelope out of the Congressman’s open attache case and lays it flat under her tray. Smooth, very smooth. That was something right out of an Audrey Hepburn movie right there. 

She’s stopped at the next booth for an order from Senator Keller. When she turns away, he pats her on her ass. 

I am a dead man. 

She disappears out of the lounge. She should work for the CIA. That whole operation took about a minute and a half. 

Wait a minute. 

I consider the events that have taken place in my life in the last 24 hours...well, couple of weeks. 

DOES she work for the CIA? 

 

DONNA’S POV 

“I’m not a spy, Josh.” 

“I don’t know that. I’m thinking you might be.” 

“Well, if that’s the case, do you think I’m an American spy or a Canadian spy?” 

“Hmm...that’s an interesting question.” he says. 

“Joshua!” I groan rolling my eyes. “I’ll grant you that the past 36 hours of your life have probably been somewhat...stunning...” 

“Stunning?” 

“Staggering?” 

“I’m not sure there is a word for it, Donna.” 

“Anyway, I’m not a spy.” I continue. 

“Did you tell your parents what you did?” he asks crossing his arms across his chest and leaning up against his desk. 

“Well, no, of course not. I figured you’d want an annulment.” 

“But I don’t.” 

“Well, now I have to face the fact that I’m going to have to call my parents and tell them that I trapped my boss in marriage and convince them that I’m not pregnant.” 

“Good luck with that one.” he says. 

“Well, what about your mother?” 

“My mother is going to be ecstatic. She could care less how it happened.” he says. “But there are other things to rethink now, too.” 

“I know.” I say sadly. “My job.” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

“Your living arrangements.” 

“My living arrangements?” 

“You’re going to be married to me and live somewhere else?” 

“That does seem rather ridiculous.” I say. He takes my hand and pulls me to him. I’m right up against his body as he starts trailing kisses along my neck. “Yes, very ridiculous. I can see now the error of my ways.” 

“I can provide further argument if you need more convincing.” he says as his hand snakes under my shirt. 

“Yes, I definitely think I need you to present a stronger case.” 

“I’ve got one.” 

This is just promising to be a nice romp in his office when there’s a loud thud and a lot of swearing from the door leading to CJ’s office. 

“What the hell?!” she demands from the other side. “You LOCKED the door!?” 

He giggles against my neck and my hands are in his hair. 

“Joshua, let her in.” 

“And this little anatomical situation I’ve got festering here?” 

“Good point.” I nod. “Sit down. I’ll let her in.” 

He moves to sit behind his desk and I unlock the door for CJ. 

“Okay. In the three years we’ve been here, Josh, you’ve never locked your door.” CJ says sauntering in. 

“Would you rather walk in on what you were about to walk in on?” he asks. 

“Oh gross!” CJ looks sufficiently icked. “Where’s safe to sit?” 

“Umm...” I say, making a grand show of looking around the office and ruling places out, even though we didn’t do anything in here. She doesn’t know that though, and this is fun. CJ looks skeeved out by my display; Josh is finding it entertaining though. 

“Did you need something?” Josh asks moving things along. After all, we had plans to take the rest of the afternoon off. We just had to come in and grab some stuff to work on later and over the weekend...after we move me in to his place. 

“Did you get it?” CJ asks. 

“Yup.” he nods. “It is now safely in my safe.” 

“Cute play on words.” CJ says dryly. 

“I thought so.” 

“It was sarcasm.” 

“No kidding.” 

“So, is there a plan?” CJ asks. 

“We’ll have to tell Leo.” Josh says. 

“What exactly are we going to tell him?” CJ continues with her line of questioning. 

“I don’t know.” Josh shrugs. “But it’s going to have to be good because we sure as hell can’t tell him the truth.” 

“No.” CJ agrees. “Donna will get fired for sure.” 

“And then you’ll have to find a new Deputy Chief of Staff because I’m not sticking around without her.” Josh says firmly. 

He’s so sweet! Nevermind the fact that we just might be out of a job anyway in a few months if we can’t overcome the MS thing. 

“And a press secretary I’m sure, once Leo finds out my involvement. Well, don’t slip up between now and then.” CJ warns as she turns towards her office. “Think about it over the weekend.” 

“We’ll do that as we’re moving Donna in with me.” Josh nods. That stops CJ dead in her tracks. 

“That’s not a good idea.” she says. 

“Yet, you thought Donna marrying me without my knowledge was.” Josh shoots back. 

“Well...that was for a greater good at the time.” CJ squirms. “Now, we need to save our jobs.” 

“Call me old fashioned, CJ, but I’d like my wife to live with me.” he says. 

“You’re going to make rules now?” CJ shoots back. “Who asked you anyway?” 

“Nobody, which is precisely why I get to make rules, though, I don’t think wanting my wife to live with me is an unfair rule.” 

“It’s not, CJ.” I nod. “He’s good in bed.” 

“All right, enough.” CJ says. “I really don’t need to hear about the love life!” 

“Really?” Josh asks playing her. “Because I am quite something.” 

“All right. I’m leaving.” CJ says making a quick escape and closing the door behind her. I look over at my husband, who’s looking back at me like he wants to have me for an afternoon snack. 

I’m okay with that. 

TBC


	10. Sacred Institution, A

LEO’S POV 

“Danny.” I hear CJ call at the press briefing. 

“CJ, you know I don’t ask you to comment on gossip...” Danny begins. Oh no. 

“Danny, you ALWAYS ask me to comment on gossip.” CJ shoots back. These two are going to give me a stroke one of these days. I thought Josh and Donna were bad. 

“Okay, I always ask you to comment on gossip, but not usually in a press briefing.” he qualifies. 

“Daniel, America is watching. Is there a question?” I think America only tunes into to CJ’s briefings just to watch these two spar. 

“Why did it look like Josh’s assistant, Donna, moved into his place last weekend?” Danny asks. 

My eyes snap to the t.v. in my office. What the hell? And more importantly, why does CJ not look blindsided right now? Margaret comes diving through the door before I can bellow her name; he eyes wide in surprised. Okay. SHE looks surprised right now, and Margaret is definitely up on her office gossip. So if this is surprising Margaret, there’s something some one, or some ONES aren’t telling me. 

“What are you talking about, Danny?” CJ sighs dramatically. Nice performance, Claudia Jean, but you’re still not getting out of the ass chewing that’s coming to you...and apparently to Josh and Donna. 

“I saw Josh and Donna moving stuff into Josh’s apartment on Saturday.” 

Okay. Well, big deal. Maybe Josh got new furniture. That’s just the type of stuff he makes her do. 

“What makes you think Josh didn’t get new furniture?” CJ shoots back. “That’s just the type of thing he makes Donna do. Everyone knows he leaves the heavy lifting to her.” Well, that was kind of freaky. 

“I asked him about it at the time. They said Donna was moving in with him.” Danny says. Margaret squeaks. 

“Danny, what did I tell you about ambushing the senior staff outside the White House?” CJ says sternly, still not looking the slightest bit surprised. 

“Not to do it.” 

“And yet?” 

“I do. So?” 

“Yes.” CJ says. “Donna was moving into Josh Lyman’s apartment.” 

My eyes are like saucers now. Toby and Sam come running in my office, but oddly, not Josh. 

“Donna Moss.” Katie Witt says. 

“No.” CJ replies. 

“What the hell is this?” Toby demands loudly. I shrug, still watching the television. 

“No?” 

“No, not Donna Moss.” CJ says. 

“Josh has a different assistant Donna?” Kris asks. The sharks are circling in the waters now, and CJ doesn’t seem the slightest bit off her game. 

“Nope.” CJ says shaking her head. 

“Donna Moss was moving into Josh’s apartment.” Steve says. 

“Not Donna Moss.” CJ says. 

“I don’t understand.” Sam says. “Has CJ hit her head?” 

“Donna’s last name is Moss.” Danny says. 

“Donna’s last name is Lyman.” CJ corrects. Margaret squeaks. 

“Since when?” Katie asks. Good question, Katie. I always liked you. 

“About two months now.” CJ says. 

“Is it Lyman for the obvious reason?” Danny asks. 

“Well, Sylvia Lyman did not adopt Donna, so one can draw that conclusion.” CJ says. 

“They’re married?” Katie asks. The cameraman in there must be getting whiplash from all this jumping around. 

“Yes.” CJ confirms. 

“Oh. My. God.” That was Margaret. 

“When did they get together?” Kris asks. See what’s funny now, no one seems to be holding up their tape recorders or writing anything down. There’s no flashbulbs going off. 

“About two months ago.” CJ says. 

“She knew about this?” Toby says. 

“It seems so.” Sam replies. 

“Before they got together?” Katie again. 

“No.” CJ replies. 

“Are you going to make Josh available for questions?” Danny asks. 

“What do you need to know?” CJ replies. “They weren’t together before they got married.” 

“Well, CJ, we need the official date.” Kris insists. 

“For what?” CJ shrugs. 

Why, why, WHY is CJ baiting them like this? Why is she egging them on? What the hell happened to her standard ‘I’ll get back to you on that?’ 

“For the pool.” Steve says. “We need to know who won.” 

“Oh for Christ’s sake!” I’m surprised to hear my own voice right now. Everyone turns to look at me. “THIS is what they care about? The Deputy Chief of Staff marries his assistant in, apparently, complete secret, and the press corps wants to know is who won their pool?” 

Wait a minute. I’m replaying the press briefing over in my head. CJ knew about this and appeared ready for all of that. CJ must have known about their pool and that they weren’t going to make hay of it. 

“I don’t know who to kill first.” Toby growls. 

“Margaret,” I say. “I’ll be down in Josh’s office. Don’t tell him I’m coming.” 

“Me too.” Toby announces. 

“No. Just me.” I reply. Toby looks, well, pissed at that. Too bad. I’m the boss. 

TBC


	11. Sacred Institution, A

JOSH’S POV 

“My mom thinks I’m pregnant.” Donna says. 

“ARE you?” Shit. That’s Leo’s voice. All the color drains from Donna’s face, and I swear to God, the bullpen is silent. Everyone saw the press conference. Well, that was the point. Wait until Leo finds out all there is to know about that press conference. CJ has reached new levels of brilliance, but first, we have to get through Leo’s eruption here. 

“Leo...” I begin, but he answers me by slamming the door so hard the window rattles. Donna jumps. Okay, I get he’s pissed, and with good reason, but he’s not going to out and out scare her. Before I can launch my defense, he bellows. 

“Claudia Jean, you get your ass in here!” he barks, but CJ’s already coming through the door.   
“Somebody explain to me, right now, what the hell is going on.” I open my mouth, but he continues. “Somebody tell me why I found out on national television, through a press conference nobody cleared through my office or the communications director, that my Deputy Chief of Staff is married to his assistant, a woman, by the way, that I didn’t even know he was romantically interested in.” Leo growls. 

“Oh come on.” CJ laughs, then slaps a hand over her mouth as Leo gets her with his death glare. “Well, Leo, that’s, like, the worse kept secret in Washington.” 

“Hey!” I yelp. All eyes are on me, but they all say three different things. Donna’s are clearly terrified that we’re going to get thrown out of here on our ears, which just might happen; Leo’s... well, let’s just say, they’re not nice; and CJ’s seem to be looking at me and saying `well, it is.’ Obviously, there’s no where to go there. 

“Let’s get back to the little question of why I found out about this on national television.” he snaps. 

“You didn’t.” CJ says. 

“What!?” he barks. 

“That wasn’t an aired press conference; it was closed circuit in the White House.” she explains. “Really, it was to let everyone in the building know.” 

“Was I born yesterday, CJ?” he demands. “You’re trying to tell me that nobody in that room’s going to write about it?” 

“Well...yeah.” she shrugs. “Leo, they don’t care. They had a pool, that was true. Now, everyone that works here knows. And by the time anyone outside these walls catches on, the White House press corps will be saying it’s old news. PLUS, you don’t have to live in a bubble to know that if it’s news of any merit coming out of the White House, it’s being reported by White House correspondents, not some schlep at some two bit paper in Podunk, Pennsylvania. If the press corps isn’t pursuing it, it’s nothing.” 

“CJ,” Leo continues to bark. “That has got to be....probably the most brilliant thing you’ve ever come up with.” We’re all holding our breath. 

“Really?” I finally hedge. 

“On HER part, Josh.” He shoots back. “I’m not remotely through with your dumb ass.” 

Donna opens her mouth to speak, but I jump in before she can. “I know it’s shocking, Leo, really, I do.” 

“Oh do you?” He asks snidely. I consider telling him that no one was remotely as shocked to find out I was married as I was, but then remember that that is directly controvert to what I’m attempting to do here. 

“I do.” I confirm simply. “But, Leo, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t come here every day and feel the things I did, and think the things I did and not act on them. And Donna’s brilliant at her job. Nobody can handle me like she does” and I’m TOTALLY not kidding there... “And things would have been horrible if we got together and there wasn’t some firm commitment from me. I mean, people would have said awful things to her. Now, everyone knows how much I love her and how committed to her I am.” 

There’s silence in the room. For a variety of different reasons. Leo, I think is shocked into silence. CJ and Donna... OH SHIT! I’ve never said out loud that I love Donna. 

Oh, God. This is bad! This is bad! Danger Will Robinson! Danger! The first time I declare my love for her is in front of Leo and CJ!? Yeah, I’m REALLY not good at this marriage stuff. I mean, I’m giving it my best shot here. In my defense, I really didn’t have any prep time for it. 

I slide a glance over to Donna. There’s tears running down her cheeks. Please, God, let those NOT be tears of anger. I slide a glance over to CJ. Great. It’s her ‘you dumb ass’ face. But, her eyes are suspiciously misty there. 

“How am I supposed to let you two continue to work together and have there not be a mutiny in this building?” he demands of me. 

“Because you’re the Chief of Staff and you say so.” I shrug. 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Leo, if someone’s going to go toe to toe with you, it’s not going to be over this, I promise you.” I reply. I level my gaze on him. I bust out my best ‘I’m serious face’ on him. He knows the face well. 

“This is what you want?” he points at me and abruptly asks Donna, who wasn’t remotely ready for the question. 

“Yes.” she says softly. 

“Why?” he asks her. “You’re a smart girl.” Well, that wasn’t fair. But, I suppose there’s a certain amount of flak I should take from him right now. 

“Because I love him.” she all but whispers, and my heart stops. I’m not kidding you either, it stops. CJ squeaks, and her hand flies up to her mouth again. I’d probably have the same reaction if I was able to cognitively function right now. 

“Well, God help you, Donna, because you’re going to need it.” he says to her. He’s got a bit of a spark to his eye though. 

“Leo.” CJ sighs and smiles. She saw it, too. He shoots her his death glare though. “Sorry.” she says quickly. Glad it wasn’t me. 

“No sex in the White House.” he calls out, as he turns, opens the door, and disappears, closing it behind him. 

The three of us are speechless, watching the closed door. CJ lunges forwards and locks it. I arch a brow at her in question. “Toby, I assume is next.” she shrugs. Oooh, good thinking, CJ. “Well, I better go lock mine, too.” It’s an excuse to get quickly out of my office, I think. I’m okay with that. She closes our connecting door on her way through. 

I look over at Donna and she’s crying again. 

“That was consent then?” she asks softly. 

“Sadly, not for sex in the White House.” I say walking slowly toward her. 

“It’s too bad really,” she says, slightly clearing her throat. “Because when you said that thing, I really wanted to throw you down on that desk.” 

I stop walking as that visual pops into my head. 

Damn. 

“Which thing was that?” I smirk. 

“You know what I’m talking about.” 

“Could it be the thing I said that you said then after?” 

She stops a moment. I can see her trying to work through that sentence in her head. 

“Did you mean it?” she asks, chewing on her lip. I must get to that lip. I really shouldn’t let her upper lip and teeth have all the gratification there. 

Before I answer her verbally, I swoop in and claim her lips. She folds right into me, and I think that things can’t get much better than this. I mean, what guy out there gets the woman of his dreams, marries her, and doesn’t have to go through all the wedding crap? Hell, doesn’t even have to show up? What man gets that lucky? 

Of course, it’s more than that. 

“Of course I meant it.” I say in a voice that sounds suspiciously like I swallowed rocks. “Did you?” She nods, and I kiss her forehead lightly before dropping my lips to her neck. 

“Now is not the time, Joshua.” she says. 

“Oh, I think it’s the perfect time.” I leer, but she steps away. 

“You have to leave for Congressman Obannan’s office in five minutes.” she begins. She’s all business now. I sigh dramatically the lightning change she just made from emotional wife to no-nonsense assistant. 

“I wanted to discuss this misconception on your mother’s part.” I say, trying to draw her attention back to me...well, me, personally, and not me her boss. 

“Later.” she dismisses. “Before you leave, I have some things for you to sign...” 

THE END


End file.
